While on the phone with his daughter, Cincinnati local Dave Jackson offered up some sage career advice, claiming, “It’s all about who you know.” However, his daughter said the words fell flat due to the fact that her dad has no friends and doesn’t really “know” anyone.
“He doesn’t even have any weak ties,” Dave’s daughter April Jackson told reporters. “It’s like he’s a relationship void. Which is weird because my mom is practically a socialite, going to book club every week and volunteering in her spare time. She’s super popular.”
She continued, “My dad, though? He’s more of a solitary man, which is fine. It’s just weird that he’s trying to tell me how important it is to make and nourish connections when the closest connection he has outside of my mom is the guy he sees bird watching at the park at the same time as him. He doesn’t even know his name, he’ll just sometimes cryptically allude to him by saying something like, ‘He’s a good man, respects the quiet.’”
“Life is all about connections, connections, connections,” maintained Dave, who hasn’t made a connection with anyone beyond his primary care physician, Dr. Mark. “Getting in with the right people could make or break your career.”
April said she wasn’t sure why he thought that, given that he has a successful career as a carpenter that flourished without him having to speak to anyone ever.
“He probably read it in some self-help book,” she said. “Because that’s one of his main hobbies: reading alone.”
Dave’s wife Amelia was quick to come to his defense, saying, “Dave’s not solitary! He likes his alone time, sure, but that doesn’t mean his career advice is null. Sometimes he offers a gruff, ‘Hello, Tina’ when I have my friends over for book club before he heads upstairs. Tina’s the only one he knows, so he only addresses her. So, don’t say he doesn’t have friends!”
April reported that while her dad believes, in theory, that networking is the key to having a successful career and life, in reality, he largely keeps to himself, bristles if anyone so much as looks in his direction, and is always heading out to the park alone to “spend some time with the finches.”
“He doesn’t even really talk to me that much,” April told reporters. “Pretty much the only things I know about him are that he thinks it’s all about who you know and that he hates those damn blue jays. Seriously, it’s always either, ‘Just call up the CEO and ask them to get a coffee’ or ‘Damnit, April, I gotta go, those jay bastards are messing with the finches’ nests again! Hey, HEY–’ and then he hangs up and I don’t speak to him again for another three months.”
At press time, sources close to Dave had nothing to say because no one considered themselves close enough to him to give their two cents. However, reporters were able to catch up with the man Dave sometimes sees bird watching at the park who offered, “Good man. Scares the jays away from those poor finches. What did you say his name was again?”
