In a fury-inducing story out of Buffalo, NY, it became clear that your engaged friend Lucia recently met her fiancé by “putting herself out there and trying.”
Wow – it’s not like that kind of thing is easy or available to the rest of us!
After hours of research and comparison to others, you and a handful of unmarried friends confirmed that the only way Lucia could have met a guy like that was to literally go outside and make herself available to new people.
The news has shaken nearly everyone in the part of your friend group that hates going outside.
“I just feel so attacked,” says your mutual friend and light agoraphobe, Kelsey Lee. “It’s not like everyone can just venture outside, go to a place, and then just be willing to talk to someone. I feel like she owes us an apology.”
We think she owes the entire world step-by-step instructions on how exactly she did this.
When asked how this maddening behavior resulted in meeting her soon-to-be husband, Lucia demurred.
“I don’t know, I just kind of smiled at him at a bar and asked what he was drinking. I even kind of dressed up that night because it felt good. I guess he did the same, cause I thought he was really handsome that night. And the rest is history!”
Wow, Lucia! We’ll never forgive you for this!
When asked if she had any advice for how to meet someone special, we stopped her right there and told her to just shut the fuck up.