In a true demonstration of the power of grudge-holding, 32-year-old Dr. Claudia Klein has channeled her desire to get back at a bitchy high school classmate into a successful medical career.
“In 9th grade, Teresa Watkins and I had bio together,” said Dr. Klein. “We were dissecting a frog and I told her I wanted to be a surgeon, and she was like, ‘You know med school is really hard, right? It’s not like Grey’s Anatomy.’”
“This was hideously offensive because Grey’s Anatomy, in fact, was the reason I was mildly interested in being a surgeon,” Dr. Klein continued. “But as soon as she said that, all my other dreams faded away and I knew for certain that I was going into medicine, and I would be an amazing surgeon, all to spite that bitch, Teresa.”
From that day on, Dr. Klein prioritized her studies and excelled at science and math. She went on to pursue a pre-med track at her top choice university, and later attended medical school where she graduated in the top 10% of her class.
“There are only a few types of people in med school,” Dr. Klein said. “You have scientifically minded people who are all about research and discovery. Then you have the type who really wants to help people, and make a difference in individuals’ lives. Then you have me, who just wants Teresa Watkins to know that she was seriously stupid for ever doubting me and I am very successful now so fucking take that.”
Dr. Klein is now one of the youngest general surgeons at Mount Sinai Beth Israel and boasts an astounding success rate, however when the scrubs come off, this doctor still feels she has work to do.
“On top of my actual surgical practice, I want to become an involved advocate for healthcare policy reform,” said Dr. Klein. “It’s such an important issue, and because of that it’s a little more likely that Teresa will hear about me and everything I’m up to if I become an outspoken figure on the topic. God, she will hate that.”
When reached for comment, Dr. Klein’s nemesis was happy to weigh in.
“I don’t remember ever saying something mean to Claudia but I feel so bad to hear that I did,” said Dr. Teresa Watkins. “I had a difficult childhood and my dad always put a lot of pressure on me so I was probably just projecting, not that that’s an excuse.”
“Anyway, I’m so glad she’s doing well,” continued Dr. Watkins, who is now a medical researcher. “Us women in STEM have to stick together!”
“No,” said Dr. Klein. “No, no, no, no, no. I win. I am the real doctor!”
We salute you, petty bitch!
