‘I Want Children Someday,’ Says Man Who Will At Best Stand There Saying, ‘Push Babe’

After telling his girlfriend of ten months that he wants to have children someday, Nick Barnard sent shockwaves throughout the community, as many believe he will do little more than stand next to the woman he impregnated saying, “Yeah, babe! You can do it! Push, babe!”


“I didn’t think I wanted to be a father,” says Barnard. “But then something just clicked. I think I’d be a great dad and ultimately will help while my partner’s giving birth by being next to her hospital bed and saying things like ‘you’re amazing’ and ‘nice work, babe.’”


While Nick is thrilled by his life-altering realization, his girlfriend isn’t feeling as excited.


“That’s great that Nick is looking forward to being a dad someday,” says Lena Covert. “How fun to dream about being a dad when all you have to do is have sex, wait nine months, then stand by a bed saying, ‘I love ya babe! Keep pushing!’”


Despite Lena’s attempt to humble her boyfriend, he’s reportedly unable to stop talking about his future children.


“It’s so exciting to feel like you’ve found your purpose in life,” says Nick, who seems to think his purpose is standing by his wife’s side thinking, “Wow, this is taking a long time and I’m getting sort of hungry.”


After sending a group text to his fraternity brothers about his desire to be a father, he was met with a great deal of support.


“I’m pumped for Nick, really, I am,” says Kevin Donovan. “He is gonna be so good at getting ice chips.”



“Nick has always been a little directionless up until now,” says Brody Warner. “I think having a kid will be really good for him, unless it backfires and he shuts down, leaving his wife who just had the baby to not only take care of the newborn but also him. But that won’t happen, probably.”


When asked whether he wants a boy or a girl, Nick smiled and said:


“I think I want a boy so he can grow up to support his partner like I did,” says Nick. “You know, by watching her push a human out of her body while saying, ‘Wow, babe. Wow.’”