A few months ago, my boyfriend Craig and I celebrated our three-year anniversary. We spent a romantic weekend together in Montauk, and we brought along our adorable shih-tzu, Sophie, to help us celebrate. It was a perfect weekend—full of great food, wine, and cuddle times with Sophie. The only thing missing was sex. Usually a glass of red is enough to wet my whistle, but even after my third glass of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, I was still not feeling it.
I felt guilty. Craig and Sophie put together this lovely weekend for us and my lack of libido ruined it. I’d been struggling with a less-than-chipper sex drive for months, and this convinced me that it was time to seek professional help. My doctor had some good news: It wasn’t my fault that my libido was dormant—my birth control that was to blame! She prescribed a new contraceptive for me that supposedly “makes your ovaries pulsate with sexual hunger” (her words, not mine). So I thought I’d give it a try.
I experienced the usual side effects: tender breasts, extreme mood swings, and tearing up at life insurance commercials. But it was all worth it when I realized my libido was back. Whenever I saw Craig, I’d mount him immediately. No matter the time or place, the smell of his skin made me want him then and there. The sight of a simple “Sup?” text message from him and my jeggings were soaked through. I got my groove back and I was ready to take the bone-mobile to Pound Town 24-7. Finally!
I usually take Sophie to work with me, but one day I just completely forgot to take her. Then, one of my coworkers sent me a link to a funny cat video. I typically delete those e-mails because I hate cats, but for whatever reason, I felt compelled to watch. The video was of a little grey kitten getting tickled. I was hooked! I watched silly cat video after silly cat video and suddenly it was 7PM and I was still at work. I had forgotten to go home and take Sophie for her walk!
When I got home, Craig and I worked our way through half the Kama Sutra. After my eighth orgasm, I didn’t feel like taking Sophie for a walk, so I just let her our for a few minutes. She’ll deal, I thought. I checked Instagram and saw my an onslaught of my coworker’s cats; for once in my life, I thought, “This actually isn’t really that weird. I wonder what else her cats like to do!”
A few days later, we ran out of dog food so I ran to the pet store. As luck would have it, there were some adorable kitties up for adoption. I suddenly forgot about the dog food and felt an irrepressible urge to play with the cats.
What was happening to me?
“I can’t believe I’m saying this right now, but—I think I’ve become a cat person!” I said to my reflection in the store window. I settled on a black and white tuxedo cat and decided to name her Sophie. I completely forgot that I already had a dog named Sophie!
When I got home, I found my apartment covered in Sophie’s urine. What was her problem? It was at that moment that I realized my relationship with Sophie was over. Meanwhile, my relationship with other Sophie had just begun. I called animal services and had the first Sophie removed from my home. That was when I knew it: I was a cat person.
My new birth control may have turned me into a totally different person, but I now have an amazing cat and a vagina that won’t quit. Who says you can’t have it all?
