It’s hard to predict the twists and turns that life may take, and no matter how much self-acceptance you have, you may learn things about your body that are hard to accept. After a year with nothing to do but take walks and do gentle yoga in my free time, I thought my body was in a place where it could do all the tasks that I needed it to do.
That was until I was gifted a set of five-pound weights.
I turned on a class called “Easy Gentle Strength Training with Kind Kristin” that I figured would be a good start to getting strong. First, she told me to do a “simple bicep curl with a light weight,” and reminded us, “This is just our warm-up.”
I struggled to pick it up off the floor. When I finally got it into one hand, I could barely hold onto it for more than a few seconds. I was afraid I was going to dislocate my shoulder. The thought of picking up another one was unthinkable.
How did I become this way?
I had no choice but to pick up the old, two-pound weights that were left by my elderly roommate when she had broken her wrist in five places and needed physical therapy. I did the bicep curls, but with a feeling of shame and horror that washed over me like the eerie chill of death.
Also, the two-pound weights were still like, pretty hard, especially because I was crying.
I’m a person who always loved physical fitness, but I was shocked to realize lots of people could do this with ease? And now I know I’m not that person – I’m the person who uses the lightest weights available at all times. That’s me; I’m that person. It’s just taking me a long time to accept it.
While I know that some work and consistency can change this, I know it won’t be an easy road. And there are just some things we have to accept in this world – the five-pound weights will always be too heavy. Forever. And that’s something I’m going to learn to love about myself.
Until then, I will work hard and try to work on doing a single pushup.