The computer is an awe-inspiring machine. It gives you the world’s wealth of knowledge at your fingertips. You can surf the web, take fun pictures, even create a document or two! I always figured my computer was indestructible, seeing as it is capable of so much, but today, something awful happened that has absolutely shattered my view of technology forever. My computer died even though I only had 25 tabs open and three different movies playing concurrently.
How could such basic functions have brought my computer to its knees? Sure, I haven’t charged the machine in a week, and each of the 25 tabs I had open were from dubious websites with plenty of pop-ups and constantly refreshing content, but that’s no excuse for it to up and die! It seems like computers simply do not want to work anymore. Something rotten has eaten at the core of Big Computer.
This death has taken me by absolute surprise. I am dumbfounded, shocked, and experiencing so much grief. Mostly for the tabs that I will probably be unable to recover once I charge this baby up again, tabs like “Can I mix bleach and ammonia reddit” and “Ammonia and bleach weird smell reddit.” How will I ever know what the weird smell is that arises from mixing ammonia and bleach? And when will my eyes stop crossing because of it?
The worst part of this ordeal is that I will probably lose my place in each of the three movies I was watching. I was right in the middle of a tradition I like to call the “Tri-Screening,” where I watch Shrek 3, Moneyball, and Francis Ford Coppola’s Apocalypse Now all at the same time and without blinking. It’s really difficult to get it all synched up, and now that I’ve lost my place, I’m basically screwed.
The more time passes, the angrier I get. I can’t believe my computer would betray me like this after I’ve been so kind by using it to its full potential and never restarting it or shutting it down. I guess I just expected greatness from it, and that was too much. Sorry for pushing it to be the best version of itself, a version where no popup is left unpopped and no file is too large.
Oh, look at that! It’s done charging. And what’s this? Restore all past tabs? Tri-Screening begins anew!
