In recent news, 24-year-old Jen Hodgins announced to a roomful of soccer fans watching a game that she is officially a fan of the sport, when in reality Jen is actually a fan of very hot men.
“It’s so fun to watch,” says Jen, enthusiastically. “I didn’t realize I would feel so passionate about this game, but here I am.”
Reports confirm that by ‘the game’ Jen meant tan muscular men with gorgeous hair sweating.
Jen, who has been invited to many FIFA watch parties in the past month, only accepted this time on a whim.
“I had no plans on Sunday so I thought, sure, why not watch the game to see my friends,” says Jen. “Who knew I’d become such a die-hard fan of soccer? The men hit the ball so hard and good. I have a lot of respect for how much they work but more so for how good their bodies are.”
Despite Jen’s newfound appreciation for the good-looking athletes, her friends aren’t sure whether they want to continue inviting her to their gatherings.
“Whenever the team we’re rooting for scores, we all cheer,” says Jen’s friend Carla Sunderberg. “Jen also cheers, but follows it up by saying something hypersexual like, ‘Yes, now let me sit on your face’. It’s pretty upsetting.”
“I’m was glad she finally decided to watch the game,” says Jen’s boyfriend Chris Darver. “I thought it would bring us closer together but instead it’s left me feeling really bad about my body, since she’s so outwardly attracted to Brazilian athletes. I’m sorry I’m from Hartford and sell real estate.”
Still, Jen has no plans to stop loudly objectifying the male players.
“I can’t wait for France to play Argentina on Saturday,” says Jen. “I’m rooting for Argentina, but in the end I’m really rooting for whoever is more likely to rip their shirt off at halftime.”
Sources confirm none of the players are going to do that, because they’re there to play the game. But Jen still wants you to be at her house by 9:45 AM sharp, just in case.
