Have you noticed a pattern in your love life? You’ll go on a few dates, hit it off, then notice the swastika tattoo on his wrist and sabotage the relationship before it even starts. It’s as if every romantic prospect is covered in red flags and you’re too much of a romantic to ignore it! Luckily for you, your romantic self-sabotage can stop today if you’re finally willing to put your critical thinking abilities aside. Here are some steps to just fucking CHILL:
Stop Being So Paranoid About The Time He Said He Was Bloodthirsty
So you’ve been seeing each other a few weeks, everything seems to be going well, but you can’t stop replaying that moment at the café last week when he stared you down and admitted he has a perpetual thirst for violence and bloodshed and thinks some people “need to be punished.” Girl, if you want to make changes and find love, you’re going to have to set that paranoia aside and trust his oddly seductive qualities over the nagging feeling in your gut that he might murder someone.
Let Go Of Your Insecurities About His Five Other Wives
Insecurity is a natural instinct in romance, but if you want to learn to let love in, you’re going to have to believe him when he says he loves you just as much as the other five wives he visits at his summer cabin. Are they ex-wives? No. Are they Mormon? Hell no! Is it even legal? Stop it girl, you’re getting the spoilsport spinster gears turning in that know-nothing head of yours!
Don’t Let Past Relationships Dictate Your Reaction To His Houseboy
So he has a houseboy – an adult “boy” he found on Craigslist who cleans his house and exclusively dresses in mesh one-pieces?! Don’t let the fact that your first boyfriend cheated prevent you from trusting a man who makes a living from the “art videos” that they make together! If you keep making that judgmental face at men’s behavior, you’ll die alone making that judgmental face!
Stop Being Passive-Aggressive About His Dead Rat Pranks
So your guy has a “thing” for leaving dead rats in your bed, your drawers, the mailbox, your purse, his living room, and sometimes his mouth when he goes to kiss you? In order to release your critical thinking and accept your new found affection, you’re going to need to accept the dead rat pranks as an integral, unique part of this budding and exotic romance! Stop glaring at him, leaving notes, texts, or giving verbal warnings – now is the time to be open to love, even if there are a few rat carcasses littered along the way of your love journey!
Don’t Fall Into A Rut Just Because Your Relationship Is Confined To A 5×5 Cardboard Box He Built For You
Just because he makes you stay in a cardboard box and call him “Killer” whenever you’re over his place, doesn’t mean you should ditch him or stop trying to spice things up! In order to move beyond your past habits of doubt, projection, and critical thinking, you’re going to have to learn to be present and seize the day, finding romance in whatever situations your relationship finds itself in!
It’s a long, frightening journey becoming vulnerable and letting go of your critical thinking! But if you put your mind to it, and follow these tips you’ll be in a committed relationship with a guy who’s willing to get “serious” in no time!
