As women, we’re taught from a young age to seek male validation and to do everything possible to make ourselves fit into what has been deemed “a man’s world.” Here’s how you can release yourself from this toxic way of thinking and decenter men in your life, in spite of the fact that you’re the sole caretaker for your elderly father.
Focus on your own interests.
It doesn’t matter what the men in your life enjoy – you need to spend time nurturing your own passions. Try out a new hobby like gardening or woodworking and set aside your old, man-centric pursuits like “getting your dad dressed in the morning” or “making sure your dad has taken his blood pressure medication.” You’ll forget men even exist – even the old one living in your home – in no time!
Set boundaries.
Does your dad need 24-hour, around-the-clock care? Yes! But you also need to set boundaries about how much time and energy you’re willing to put into the needs of a man. Give four-hour, sporadic care a trial run and see how that goes! Recentering your own needs is empowering, and it’s better to not think about your elderly father at all than to resent having to constantly look after him.
Put more energy into the relationships you have with the women in your life.
Putting all your energy into your relationships with men can oftentimes be more draining than fulfilling. Do you really feel like your best self when you’re checking your 92-year-old father’s vitals every hour? We didn’t think so. Your best friend lives in Boca Raton and is doing better than ever – consider booking a trip to go hangout with her for a while!
If you follow these simple steps, you’ll no longer put undue emotional labor into things that don’t serve you. Yeah, at first it might be tough to focus less on your caretaking duties, but, ultimately, it’s the best thing you can do to live a more fulfilling life. Plus, once your dad is dead, you won’t need to focus on men at all! Except, obviously, when you’re mourning his death and the hand you may or may not have had in it.
