Talking about the weather is the black hole of all conversation topics. The minute you say, “It’s so humid today!” or “Wait, why’d it suddenly get so dark out?” or “Oh, shit, there’s a mile-wide funnel cloud heading directly toward us!” you rob the conversation of any chance to be meaningful or interesting. Here’s how you can stop bringing up the weather in conversation, even though that tornado is minutes away from absolutely wrecking the lives of everyone around you.
Redirect the conversation to other things.
Nobody wants to talk about the weather! Try redirecting the conversation to other, more stimulating topics like whether or not your house is still standing, or the amount of trees that just got uprooted a mere 10 feet from you. You’ll be moving your conversation partner away from the weather, and onto praying to their god in no time!
Ask questions.
Remember: you don’t always have to be the one doing the talking. By asking the person you’re conversing with things like, “Do you think this ditch is deep enough to shield us from flying debris?” and “Are we going to die?” you can avoid falling into overused, surface-level small talk banalities and really get to know them on a deeper, mortality-focused level.
After asking those questions, listen!
Not to their response (yawn!), but for the eerie sound of a distant train that is indicative of a monster tornado approaching your current location. Listening can help you engage more authentically with whoever you’re talking to or, in this case, remind you that you’re about to get completely fucked by Mother Nature. It can also help you avoid engaging in any unnecessary, weather-related chit chat. You can both hear the wailing tornado sirens — there’s no need to mention it.
Embrace the silence.
Sometimes a good, prolonged silence is all it takes to indicate to someone that you’re comfortable in their presence. It can also indicate that there’s still some time before that tornado in the distance is fully upon you. So, just tuck yourself into that ditch, relax, and embrace those quiet moments – they could be your last! The oncoming turbulent winds are about to render any conversation impossible anyways.
So, the next time you’re tempted to bring up the weather, don’t! The only thing worse than having a T11 tornado touch down on top of you is hearing the person next to you narrate it.
