It’s finally that time of year – where you get to show off your singing talent at the holiday party by belting the classic, “Santa Baby”! You want your performance to not only convince everyone you’re meant to be a star, but you also want it to be so sultry and convincing that people will think you and Santa may have some history. So here are some tips on how to sing “Santa Baby” so seductively that everyone in the audience will start to wonder if you’ve fucked Santa at some point in your life.
Really use your whole body.
When you’re delivering lines such as “hurry down the chimney tonight” make sure you seductively trace your hand from your neck all the way down to your belly button. People will be thinking, “By chimney, does she mean vagina?” and “and by tonight does she mean her and Santa are a consistent fuck buddy situation?” Using what you got will have people entertained and very certain that you know what Saint Nick’s dick looks like.
Tease your audience.
Sometimes showing is better than telling. So before spelling it out for them, give your viewers a sneak peek as to what that late cold December night with Santa could have been. Pull your sparkly blazer off one shoulder, let it slip down a little as you make eye contact with any person in the crowd, and then slowly slide it back up. Tease the audience like they’re now imagining you teased Santa that hot and jolly night, you slutty lil elf!
Make a subtle moaning noise every so often.
Grace the people watching this by softly moaning after any and every sexual line of the song. It’s vital that the audience knows the lyrics are for sure and innuendo for you. If you don’t add a moan after verses such as “Come and trim my Christmas tree”, will they really be able to know that Santa did in fact trim your Christmas tree…sexually?
Whisper “I fucked Santa” at some point.
Sometimes it’s just not clear if you’ve had a sexual relationship with someone unless you outright say that you have. In order to clear up the obvious, whisper “I fucked Santa” into the microphone during the instrumental parts. Some people might be thinking “there’s no way”. In that case, you’re going to want to add “it’s factual and I have proof”. But only if it sounds right with the melody.
Just because everyone’s at this holiday party to catch up and drink, doesn’t mean you can’t use your performance to inform them about your abundant and festive sexual history! Follow these tips during your song and people will definitely think, and know, you and Santa went to town on each other’s bodies.