How to Nail a First Date by Trauma-Dumping on Each Other

Just about everyone has some type of trauma, and the quickest path to true intimacy is immediately sharing it with a person you’ve barely met. The technique already works in friendships and in the office, so why not try it when it comes to love? Here’s how to nail your first date by simply trauma-dumping on each other for three hours over drinks:

 

Arrive late.

If you’re on time, your date might think you can function and have it together and this might make sharing your trauma a little more jarring. Showing up late lets your date know that you are a mess and clearly have some secrets stored in that beautiful cranium of yours. You’ll be sharing the worst things that ever happened to you in no time.

 

Ask them some basic questions first.

Before you order drinks, get to know your date’s name, where they are from, and what school they went to. Once the basics are out of the way, the trauma dumping can begin. Hopefully, you’ve planned what traumas you are going to share and definitely start with the worst one. Once the juiciest trauma is on the table, everything else will feel fun and flirty!

 

Don’t forget to take breaks.

Once the drinks arrive, you should hopefully be emotionally raw from the mutual disclosure of painful memories. This is now a perfect break; have some water, look at the menu, sit in the moment. Once you’ve ordered food, you can slowly meander through the rest of your traumas. Make sure to take turns! You BOTH need to share your traumas; forming a trauma-dumping bond isn’t a one-way street!

 

 

By the time the food arrives, you should have both shared so much pain there should just be constant laughter. If there’s no laughter, eat as quickly as possible and make him pay. If he is making fun of your depression and you’re poking fun at his missing parents, then you nailed the first date! Enjoy your meal, and enjoy the weird sex after!