The first step to overall wellness is inner peace, which is something we read on a spa pamphlet once. If you’ve decided to pursue spiritual wellness in your life, a great place to start is with a short daily meditation. It’ll put you in the right headspace to get started with your day. But what if someone opens your door to find you, eyes closed, cross-legged, working on your tranquil mind? Here’s how to meditate even though someone could, at any moment, walk in and see you doing it.
Put the terrifying thought of someone walking in out of your mind.
Meditation is all about quelling the irrational fears that plague your mind and instead replacing them with calm, centered thoughts. So, don’t think about how someone could barge into your room right now and see you at your most vulnerable trying to meditate, which is extremely embarrassing. DO NOT consider how you’d have basically no reasonable defense if someone were like, “Are you…meditating right now?” Do not think of those things.
Double check that the door is locked.
Sure, this is an anxious thought, but you might as well have one last anxious thought before you start meditating and cure those forever, right? Check the door at least three times!
Put a chair in front of the door.
Better safe than sorry! This way, if someone gets past the lock, they’ll be too distracted by the chair to even notice that you’re trying to better yourself. Foolproof!
Put a motion-sensitive alarm on the chair.
Look, you need as many lines of defense as you can get to keep someone from witnessing your journey of self-discovery. Now, if they get past the locked door and move the chair, the little alarm will alert you to stop meditating as soon as possible. They’ll never catch you alive!
Think of excuses you could give if someone does walk in.
Perfect excuses include, “I was just seeing if these pants can handle a sit!” or “STOP! I’M SITTING ON A GRENADE!” These will certainly convince the person who has walked in that everything is fine and normal and you’re totally not meditating, because a person who meditates would definitely not act like this.
Meditate in a position that is otherwise unsuspicious.
If meditating cross-legged with your palms facing upwards in your room is too risky, try meditating standing up! Or meditate while you make eggs or brush your teeth, so if someone walks in, you can just be like, “Oh, I’m making eggs and brushing my teeth! No centering of the body chakras going on here! No siree. I’m all kinds of inwardly fucked up still!” Phew, that was close…
Take these necessary precautions and you’ll be meditating by your lonesome in no time! And if that doesn’t work to halt your anxious, unreasonable thoughts, then hey – there’s always medication.
