Breakups can be hard, and letting go of the things that remind you of him can be even harder. When you’re really missing the taste of him after things have ended between you, here are a few ways to ensure that you can still get your daily dose of your ex’s mouth taste, twice a day.
Leave it on the floor along with the dirty laundry he forgot.
The smell of him, the taste of him, the sight of all the shit he left here is enough to make you ache for him… or enough to make teeth ache. So to prevent both of those, drop your toothbrush into the pile of clothes he left at the foot of your formerly shared bed and let it sit there for a while. It should begin to taste just like him: that musty, post-gym, sweat-soaked taste of man. God, you miss him so much.
Keep it safe and sound in the old sweatshirt you stole from him.
You got a lot out of your past relationship: trust issues, nostalgia, some sweatshirts. Now that you’re finally done with all of that, it’s time to just savor the memories—as well as his actual smell and taste. That’s right: To keep the taste of him fresh, bury your toothbrush in the XL University sweatshirt you both wore in times of post-coital bliss. Nothing tastes as sweet as coming out on top of a breakup… well, except for the taste of old laundry detergent, his natural musk, a little sweat, and some Colgate Extra Whitening toothpaste! Yummy! And so sad.
Two words: Stale Doritos.
When your senses are really aching for his presence and your teeth are really aching from left over food and neglect, try throwing your toothbrush into a bag of stale Doritos. You’ll be SHOCKED by how much brushing your teeth will taste like brushing his tongue against yours. It’s like he never left… mostly because he left all of his unsealed snacks.
Scrub it all over his Xbox controller.
Just because he nearly rotted his brain out by playing the fucking Xbox for hours at a time, does not mean you have to rot your teeth out! The Xbox controller is almost as much a part of him as his own nimble hands, so give it a good scrub with your toothbrush. It’ll be just like brushing your teeth with his fingers—just like it used to be.
When you see him out in public, jam it into his mouth.
Have your smile always looking fresh and fabulous by a spare toothbrush in your purse in case you run into your ex-beau. That way you can jam your toothbrush into his mouth when you finally bump into him in front of your regular coffee spot to make sure his taste is caked on there. Also, don’t forget to look super hot. This will have your teeth gleaming and him screaming. Girl, you are winning this breakup!
My God I miss him—I mean—you miss him, but that doesn’t mean you have to miss out on his molar flavors! The key to getting over a tough breakup is to keep your hygiene habits tougher, and to never, ever rinse the bristles. Good luck!
