How to Listen Attentively Even Though You Know His Balls Are Just Wriggling Around in There

Sometimes, you may find yourself in a conversation with a cis dude simply entranced by the thought of his balls just wriggling about, freely, like two dancing nymphs in the seat of his pants. While beautiful, enigmatic, and mysterious, balls aren’t what he’s talking about. Here’s how to listen attentively even though your mind is somewhere else (on his balls, specifically).


Repeat things he says again.

It is proven that repeating parts of what someone says to you shows that you’re listening, while also committing the information to your memory. Use this technique to keep yourself grounded in the conversation, and not on how those two nutmegs are hanging out in his boxers. Seriously, are they comfortable? Where are they exactly, or do they move constantly throughout the day, shifting positions ever so whimsically?


Schedule dedicated time to think about his balls.

If you can’t avoid thinking about how his balls are doing, just jiggling about, try setting aside time to think about his balls so that when you do talk, your focus is clear. This will work to satisfy your curiosity about his balls while giving you time to be a good listener. Just make sure not to bring up how you scheduled 10 minutes thinking about his balls prior to this conversation, imagining them moving like viscous Jell-o, solid yet liquid, breathing almost. Definitely do not bring that up.



Don’t look down.

Whatever you do, do not look down. Not only is it rude, but it also reveals that you had no idea what he was talking about the entire time, and it will not tell you anything about what his balls are doing down there. The balls are masked by the crotch of his pants, while you know they’re there, you’re not sure how exactly. They remain a mystery, always moving, shifting forms, forever, somewhere, and everywhere.


We hope these tips prove useful to really hone in on the task of being an attentive listener rather than losing your focus and thinking about how his balls are down there. Like little pendulums, squishy yet firm, wrinkly and soft. Sorry, what was that we were saying?