Determining your attachment style is an important step toward healing childhood trauma, and also deciding exactly who is to blame for your whole “thing”. Because once you understand yourself and how you connect to other people, you’ll understand exactly how everyone else is failing you and how to use it against them. Whether you’re anxious, secure or avoidant, you CAN make it everybody else’s problem. After all, his is what attachment styles are all about! Read on:
Avoidantly attached people feel most comfortable when others are kept at a distance. When our childhood caregivers rely on us emotionally, we may associate intimacy with being suffocated or controlled. Avoidants often rationalize their way out of commitment by focusing on their partner’s perceived flaws. Show your loved one you’re committed to using this against them by saying, “This is just who I am and you have to deal with it. And no, I will not go to therapy.”
If you often find yourself stressed and preoccupied with how your significant other feels about you, you may be anxiously attached. Bolster your trust in those around you by yelling “trust fall!” and collapsing to the ground. Notice who catches you and who doesn’t, so you can blame them for fueling your toxic lack of trust in everyone you meet. Now that’s self-awareness!
Proper care and good circumstances gave you a solid emotional foundation, so you find it easy to open up while maintaining your boundaries. On a first date? Go ahead and announce that up top. Securely attached people maintain a positive view of themselves and a positive view of others. This may lead your less-secure friends to ask you for advice, so recommend that they try “feeling good” and “acting normal”. Remember, you’re the healthiest person in any situation and you can weaponize that!
Undoing years of trauma takes care, commitment, and patience. But you don’t have those. You have these tips. It’s time to grab the world by the shoulders, give it a big kiss, and later emotionally distance yourself out of fear.