It’s that classic dilemma. You’re dressed to the nines, ready for a wild night, only to climb out of your Lyft pool and realize that Costco actually closed at 6 pm. Not to worry — while the trauma you’re experiencing is real and you should make space for it, there are a handful of other activities you can do to have fun and make your evening fly by. Here are some alternatives to help you cope:
Research When Costco Will Open Again
Thanks to modern technology, you don’t have to sit outside of the Costco entrance for hours on end, waiting for someone to show up and unlock the front door. Instead, you can go home, log onto the internet, and type “Costco hours” into Google. Within seconds, you will receive a comprehensive list of the days of the week — and what’s more, the hours within those days that Costco will be open in the future. The excitement from this news should keep you entertained until normal business hours resume.
Dump Leftover Snacks on a Plate and Eat Them Like a Sample
Eating a whole bag of pizza rolls would obviously be depressing. But neatly putting a bunch of pizza rolls on a big plate, using a gig economy app to hire someone to stand next to it wearing a red polo shirt, and then eating one at a time while pretending to browse the rest of your apartment? That’s almost as life-affirming as a genuine Costco trip.
Show Up to a Friend’s House and Start Taking Things Off the Shelves and Saying Out Loud: “Do I Need This? I Don’t Think I Need This. Ugh, But It’s Such a Good Deal!”
Obviously, you’ll need to get your friend’s permission before entering their apartment and touching their things — just another way that homes are inferior to Costco. But once you arrive, you can replicate the Costco experience by wandering aimlessly around the space, holding something you absolutely don’t want in your hand, and staring at it for an immeasurable amount of time while mumbling a tedious debate to yourself. Bliss.
Persuade Your Local Hot Dog Stand and Pizza Joint to Facilitate a Merger
If there are five American pastimes, they are hot dogs, pizza, and deals deals deals! So why haven’t more restaurants cracked the formula of selling both hot dogs and pizza for low low prices, along with a few sporadic random menu items no one messes with? In lieu of a Costco trip, support innovation in your local businesses by negotiating a corporate buyout that would bring hot dogs and pizza where they belong: weirdly on the same menu. By the time the deal closes, Costco should be opening up shop.
If none of these options manage to calm your anxiety, you can always try Sam’s Club – Sam’s Club should be seen as a last resort and should only be done in the event of a severe emergency. Stay calm, and good luck!
