Tax season is finally here! You might not be getting any money back, but your friend Sad Jenna always does, so it’s time to start planning how to convince her to spend it on group outings. Sad Jenna’s spending habits are easily swayed by her overwhelming emotions and her friend’s willingness to help her spend cash in a fast, fun way! Help her purge those winter blues along with her newly plump bank account. Here’s how:
Open Your Schedule
You must be as open as possible starting mid-February when Sad Jenna gets her return, because there’s no telling when she’ll be “up for” going out. Have a fun girl’s day brunch bash plan at the ready so you can shake your head knowingly that things are tough and she’s better than him. Sad Jenna doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment, but she does deserve another round of mimosas for the table—on her!
Offer Stuff to Her in Return
You want to be there for Sad Jenna without totally taking advantage of her. So it’s important that you really listen when she goes on about her sad life. When she talks about how terrible her job is, tell her about Shonda Rhimes’ book, The Year of Yes, and repost a cute Instagram of her from last spring in that hat she’s been too sad to wear lately. Then you won’t feel so guilty when she pays your tab at the raw bar. Friendship is about balance!
Be Discreet
In order to make the most out of Sad Jenna’s return, you want to make sure she has no idea you know about this money that comes her way, like clockwork, every year in April. It is of the utmost importance that you fully commit to the ruse of offering to pay. Of course you don’t have room for this steakhouse dinner in your budget, but that’s not the point. The point is you can’t make Sad Jenna sadder. So when she “insists” on paying, feign disappointment that she won’t at least let you put down for tip (which is more than you make in one day). Sad Jenna, you shouldn’t have!
Ride It Out
Know that as this return runs out, Sad Jenna’s emotions will not. She’ll have limited funds as the month progresses but you must stay strong and keep her company, or the jig will be up. Grab a cheaper no-foam coffee and listen to her talk about how her parents think she’ll be single forever. Get happy hour drinks on Thursday even though you’re not that into the dive bar near her place. A true friend sticks by Sad Jenna for at least a week or so after the return has run its course. There’s always next year!
After the tax return has been depleted, you’ll just need to play it cool until next tax season. Keep texting Sad Jenna every once in a while that you must get drinks again. You never know when that tax return and those failed dating sites will bring you and Sad Jenna on a magical trip to Bali. Thanks, Sad Jenna!
