So you saw the first Avatar film and thought, “I liked the part where the blue folks get it on with their butt-length braids. How do I get my short-haired king to do that with me?” If your partner isn’t packing enough ponytail to fulfill your epic fantasy, we’ve got you covered. Here are some handy tips for getting your guy to grow out those locks so you can finally partake in Avatar sex.
Offer him words of encouragement.
First things first, warm him up to the idea of changing his look. If he’s like most men, flattery can go a long way. Remind him of that time he grew a man bun and how much it turned you on. Talk him up while giving him a sexy, follicle-stimulating scalp massage. The more you butter him up, the more confidence he’ll have to try “braid stuff”.
Stay on top of his routine.
Long hair is healthy hair. Make sure he keeps a solid hair care routine. Hop in the shower with him every now and then and go to town applying deep conditioning treatments that fortify and protect those precious, titillating tresses. Bye bye, dull, lifeless strands, and hello, writhing, tentacle-like tendrils that you’ll soon intertwine to unlock a level of extraterrestrial tantric ecstasy never before known to man. Yowza!
Slip him some extra help.
That’s right, put hair growth supplements in his food. You’re definitely not above it, and the truth is not everyone can achieve the inches necessary for that good, good Pandora hair humping on their own. You’ve already waited so long, and with the aid of some biotin (or a Hims finasteride prescription), you won’t have to wait much longer. Soon you and yours will be doing the Na’vi nasty, scissoring split ends just as all-encompassing goddess Eywa and visionary alien pornographer James Cameron intended.
Fake it ‘til you make it.
If all else fails, there’s always hair extensions. Who cares if it isn’t all him? A bundle or two never hurt anyone, and if 32 inches of braiding hair is good enough for Beyoncé’s Formation World Tour, it’s certainly good enough for your freaky cosplay sex. In fact, if your fella still has hesitations, grabbing a fun new persona from the beauty supply wig aisle might open him up and unleash a more adventurous side. Help him really let down his hair, so you can finally fuck it!
Now that your partner has a plait worth pounding, it’s important to remember that Avatar sex isn’t just a new way to get your rocks off once you’ve exhausted all other means of stimulation. It’s also about entering a world of profound spiritual connection; a world where stacked, cat-like beings become one by bumping braids; a world where they also do this with all kinds of native animal species as well… but it’s not a sex thing? Honestly, we’re no experts here. Good luck!