How to Get High but Not So High That You Start Thinking About Climate Change

Smoking a little weed can be a wonderful way to unwind from the stress of the day. Of course, you want your happy hour toke to be just that: happy, but things can quickly go south if you get higher than you intended and let your mind wander to graver topics such as the future of the planet. Here’s how to strike the right balance and get high but not so high that you start thinking about climate change.


Start small.

Sometimes a high can be delayed then rush upon you all at once. Avoid abruptly confronting the reality of climate crisis by starting with just half that gummy or a baby rip of that bong. If you’re laughing out loud at a video of a dog eating a carrot in 20 minutes, then you should be safe to pack another bowl, but if you start to feel the full weight of how humans have destroyed the Earth in pursuit of profit in your mind, body, and soul, then you’ve had enough. We’d say to go take a hot stoned shower, but obviously, that’s a waste of water and energy, isn’t it?


Redirect your attention.

In your faded state the mental walls that prevent you from thinking about the crushing, imminent reality of irreversible climate change 24/7 have crumbled, leaving you raw, vulnerable, and in despair. No worries! Consciously do what your sober brain does unconsciously and distract, distract, distract! What’s a fun and classic thing a stoned person would watch? Oh fuck, it’s Planet Earth. Definitely don’t watch that. Maybe watch a cartoon instead and then wonder if their lush animated world takes place in a parallel universe untouched by corporate greed.



Google “panic attack tips”.

If you’re already way too high and spiraling about increasingly frequent and devastating natural disasters and how rich people are probably just going to move to Mars and be fine, then take some deep breaths and turn to Google for tips to preventing a panic attack. Just don’t Google “panic attack or heart attack”. Or on second thought, maybe do? That might be more manageable to freak out about than the destruction of the ecosystem.


Good luck, and if all else fails, just smoke way more until you green out and lose the ability to think about anything at all. Blaze it, sister!