Doing nothing feels like you’re wasting your days away, but on the other hand, doing something is really hard. Sure, days, weeks, even months may go by where you realize all you’ve done is lie in bed and scroll through TikTok for hours, but practice some self-care and don’t get upset at yourself. Instead of feeling guilty about doing absolutely nothing productive, simply take a page from our esteemed government officials, who have been getting away with it for centuries. Here’s a step-by-step process on how to rebrand the fact that you’re doing nothing by calling it an “executive order.”
Sign a document.
Nothing makes an executive order more official than signing a really fancy piece of paper and displaying it in a leather folder. So take a Sharpie and sign something! A signature says you mean business, whatever that business may be. And then continue spending the entire day lounging in a pool; it’s now an officially authorized activity!
Have a press conference.
Even with the rebranding, other people may still wonder if you’re really doing something, but a flashy press conference announcing your executive order will give it such an air of importance that you won’t need to follow up on it with any actual action. Bonus points if you get a beloved celebrity like Olivia Rodrigo to make a cameo appearance. It’ll impress people so much, they won’t stop and think about the fact that nothing has changed!
Delegate to others.
The best part about issuing an executive order is that you have the power to delegate responsibilities to everyone else, all while taking credit for it. So go tell other people to do something, while you continue to do nothing. That way if you ever feel guilty about nothing being done, it’s not your fault, it’s theirs!
So the next time you wake up from your second nap of the day, don’t wipe away that little puddle of drool in shame, just remember it’s all about perspective. Sure Jennifer Lawrence was nominated for an Oscar when she was 20 and Malala was Nobel Prize laureate at 17, but that’s no reason to feel bad about yourself. Just like our president, you keep on doing nothing and calling them executive orders with your head held high. And worse comes to worst, you can always blame that pesky Joe Manchin!
