How to Date Men When All They Think About is Stealing the Declaration of Independence

If you are attracted to men even a little bit, then you might have to date them sometimes. It can be difficult to forge a meaningful connection with a man when all they think about is stealing the Declaration of Independence. It’s an essential and unavoidable difference between men and women that can stand in the way of mutual trust and communication, but thankfully it is still possible to date men successfully even though their minds and hearts are unwaveringly set on this nefarious goal.


Understand where he’s coming from.

Now we know what you’re thinking: Women want to steal the Declaration of Independence, too! And sure, of course, they do, but men are absolutely fixated on it. Most men think about stealing the Declaration of Independence 14 times a minute, probably. Media conditions boys and puts great pressure on them to be the one who steals the Declaration of Independence before anyone else gets to it. As a result, many men hinge their worth on finding a vast loot of hidden treasure and, of course, precious metals, the map to which can only be found on the back of this significant historical document. They are victims of their condition, too.


Offer positive distractions.

It’s your job to keep your man’s mind off the Declaration for long enough for you two to do other things such as learning your respective siblings’ names or ordering dessert. Avoid topics that might fan the flames of his urges such as American history, calligraphy, cryptology, maps, and the work of actor Nicolas Cage. His default state of mind might be on the Declaration of Independence and the stealing thereof, but every minute you keep him distracted is a victory for you and evidence that a different life is possible for him.



Steal the Declaration of Independence with him.

Of course, if all else fails, you may as well just join forces in his covert and time-sensitive mission to steal the Declaration of Independence. You might even bond while you seek out clues and evade the FBI, but be careful with this approach — if you are better at stealing the Declaration of Independence than him this is likely to destroy his self-esteem and then he’ll be really mopey during your action-packed adventure, and you’ll be like, “What’s wrong?” and he’ll be like, “I don’t know.”


So try these tips to date men even though all they think about is stealing the Declaration of Independence, yet they can’t even do that well. Good luck to all involved.