How to Convince Him Your Unwashed Hair Is About Water Conservation

So your boyfriend has noticed you stopped washing your hair, and while it’s none of his business, it’s important to claim an altruistic motivation to make him feel bad for saying anything to you at all. Here’s how to explain to him that your look has nothing to do with the fact that you don’t feel like showering, and everything to do with saving the fucking planet.


Mention the divine femininity of Mother Earth.

Show him that you really honor and care about our sacred she-planet and therefore do not want to waste our precious natural resource for something as vain as having “clean” hair. Explain how patriarchal beauty standards are designed to promote the rape and harvesting of mother earth’s resources, and your earthen smell is just the price he has to pay for preserving this precious resource. This is your higher purpose now!


Throw statistics at him.

Google around and find the biggest, juiciest stat about how much water people use when they shower. For ex: if the average shower lasts about nine minutes and water flow is about two gallons a minute, when you skip washing your hair in the morning that you’re literally saving the environment the cost of thousands of wasted gallons of water per year. Don’t bring up the aboveground pool you just put in this summer..



Ask him why he hates the environment.

The rule of thumb for any good debate is to get personal. If your bf is like, “Wow, it’s been awhile since you washed your hair, huh?” ask if his real problem with your bi-weekly hair washing habit is that he has a secret vendetta against the environment. He may try to backpedal and explain that he was “just noticing”, but don’t fall for it. He is the enemy of the entire planet now and you are its savior, even though it was kind of by accident.


Get a neck tattoo of the recycling logo.

This doesn’t entirely make sense, but honestly, neither does hygiene. If you don’t wanna lose this argument about your greasy bangs, flip your hair up and expose your new tattoo while whispering, “reuse, don’t abuse.”


Think about Standing Rock.

Sure, the Dakota Access Pipeline protests are about a lot more than the amount of water you would’ve used washing your hair, but Jason probably doesn’t know that, and it’s important to align yourself with a just cause so that he knows you’re super serious about this hair thing.


At the end of the day, what you do or don’t do with your hair is no one’s business but yours, but if your partner has the audacity to comment on it, you may as well make him pay for it.