Hillary Clinton will not be our next president. Although you may be grieving, we hope you’re not going to go and get all emotional about it, because making too much of this whole thing could be very annoying and read as stereotypically female to some people. Just like Hillary knows, this is a time for a rational, calculating comeback, so here’s how to mourn her loss without getting all emotional about it.
Take three deep breaths while you contemplate everything that got us here.
Hillary overcame powerful sexual prejudices to ascend in the ranks of government, then lost the presidency to an abusive reality T.V. star with zero qualifications―but that doesn’t mean you need to cry! Hillary doesn’t cry because she has learned the long and hard way that emotions or empathy or anything seen as “weak” or “feminine” is not accepted in our society. Think about that while slowly counting to three.
Realize the power women still hold while your eyes remain fiercely dry.
Since it’s up to women to start the feminist revolution, there is no fucking time for crying. In the years to come, we’ll work harder than ever before to put one of our own in power and make female tears a thing of the past. So stop clutching your copy of Hard Choices to your chest while bawling on the floor like a drunk teenager. Put it down. Get your shit together. You’re embarrassing yourself. You’re embarrassing all of us. Seriously, don’t let them see this.
Release the tension by going off on your elected representative.
Now that you’ve controlled your emotions, you can release them in a productive way, but not in a way that will make you look weak. Call your elected representative! But try not to sound shrill or overly prepared with information about your concerns. Just because a cruel president who plays on white nationalist fears could take away your rights to reproductive health care, marriage equality and immigration, doesn’t mean you need to act so crazy! CALM DOWN!
Get back to work.
Hillary didn’t waste an hour running around the campaign office sobbing hysterically the night she lost (as far as she let us see). She sat in the dark and quietly drafted a brilliant, gracious concession letter to her opponent while you were crying, just like you always do when this shit happens. Again, enough with the crying. Get back to work and use your emotional intelligence to fix this shit.
The arc of history did not bend toward justice this Tuesday, but that doesn’t mean you have to go on and on about it, okay? Think like Hillary, and avoid displaying the wrong types of emotion with these tips so you don’t look so out of control.
