Whether you want to see The Little Mermaid (2023) because you think it will heal your inner child, you’re a big fan of Halle Bailey, or because you think the lead actor is hot, that doesn’t mean you want to be lumped in with the people who want to get married at Disneyland one day. So, here’s how to fly under the radar and seem totally normal when you buy your ticket for the movie that every Disney adult is also clamoring in their Mickey Mouse slippers to see:
Bring a child with you.
It could be your own child, your nibling, or even a random kid off the street! As long as you’re not caught seeing this Disney reboot by yourself or with your other fully adult friends, it doesn’t matter. You will have to pay for an extra ticket and possibly do time in prison for kidnapping charges, but at least every passerby at the movie theater will think, “Oh, they’re obviously just buying tickets for this movie because that kid wants to see it. That grown adult won’t enjoy this film at all!”
Loudly ask the ticketer if they know about Walt Disney’s extensive racism.
A Disney adult would never strike up a conversation that makes their hero look bad, so when you loudly bring up the fact that Walt Disney often used racist and antisemitic stereotypes in his movies throughout the 1930s and 40s, no one will ever think that you’re an obsessive fan of this mass media and entertainment conglomerate. You’re clearly just going to see this one Disney movie and will never watch another one again!
Wear an oversized t-shirt that says, “I Hate Mickey Mouse.”
These aren’t available online, so you’ll have to make one for yourself. But it’ll definitely be worth the investment!
Yell “This sucks, am I right?” every five minutes while watching the film.
If you’re still afraid other people might think you have a Donald Duck obsession after you bought your ticket for The Little Mermaid, don’t worry — there’s still hope! In order to make sure no one in the theater you’re inside thinks you’re enjoying this Disney movie a little too much, like a Disney adult would, check in with everyone in your immediate vicinity about exactly how much this movie isn’t doing it for you. At the end of the day, it’s always better to be direct!
So, if you’ve been thinking hard about how to maneuver this movie-going experience while seeming as normal as humanly possible, try out some or all of these tips to be absolutely sure that no one thinks that Disneyworld is your own personal happy place. You just love the song, “Do It,” obviously!
