How To Break Up with Him So You Can Do All of This Again with the Next Loser

Ending things with someone can be hard, but sometimes you just have to do it to avoid a bigger problem. Even though it will be really painful in the moment, you’ll be so happy you did it in the long run because soon, you’ll have the opportunity do it all again with someone who sucks just as much as the last loser! Here’s how to break up with him so you can do all of this again with the next dum dum:


Be Direct

It’s important to be as clear and direct as possible when you are letting someone go. This may come as a shock to them, so lay it out as clearly and simply so you’re sure to get your point across. If this is one of the first times you’re doing this, be easy on yourself. You’ll get tons more practice with the many fucking braindead losers who you’ll meet, have mediocre sex with, and have to do this with in the future. Unfortunately, you’ll become an expert in no time!


Be Sure

You don’t want to come across as wishy washy, because then they might think they can convince you otherwise. Obviously don’t tell them you think they’re a complete loser (even if it’s true), but remember in your heart as you break the news. Though it may be hard to be confident in this decision, the more losers you come across (it will be in the dozens for you) the less painful it will be. All we’re saying is soon you’ll be numb and will feel nothing!


Plan Ahead

In these difficult moments, it can be tough to be clear and direct, but it’s very important for their sake (even though all your friends are like god, what a loser). Nonetheless, map out what you’re going to say because even if this dipshit doesn’t deserve it, you’ll have to do this again sooner or later with the next fucking “social media strategist” who asks you to “get drinks sometime”! Hell is on earth and it’s dating!



Zoom Out

This will be one of many breakups you endure. Seriously, no one would be surprised if, in 50 years, you’re still dating idiots who are jobless and directionless. Don’t put all your eggs in this basket, or any other truly idiotic basket around that tell you he’s “into you but not ready for like, babies or whatever”. The next loser might really like kids!


Use these tips and tricks to end your relationship so you are finally free and able to date the next dumb man with a beard that walks your way. And if you’re ever feeling down about your horrible love life, just remember the worst is yet to come!