Friendship is life’s greatest gift. That is the quote on an expensive t-shirt you will have to wear at a horrible bachelorette weekend for your friend Samantha unless you play your cards right. Here’s your bulletproof guide to making sure you keep your friendships, but at just enough of an arm’s length that you’ll never be asked to be in the wedding party.
Emphasize The Engagement Photo With A Heart. Don’t Comment!
If you want to maintain this friendship, you have to make sure you acknowledge the monumental step your friend is taking with her random boyfriend Doug. But if you don’t want to be a bridesmaid, you need her to know that Apple™ crafted your response to the news. While it may feel cold and disingenuous, you need to remember one thing: that bridesmaid dress will cost you both financially and in closet space.
Arrive Late To The Engagement Party And Say You’re Just Stopping By
Every bride is looking for her bridesmaids to be organized, excited, and most importantly, present. By treating the engagement party as a low priority, you will be avoiding those traps. The key to this is putting in enough effort to still be invited to their amazing Fourth of July BBQ, but not enough effort to receive the weirdly elaborate basket of friendship gifts asking you to be a bridesmaid.
R.S.V.P. On Time, But Ask For A Plus-Two
Weddings are expensive, so receiving a plus-one from your friend is a big deal. Therefore, when you ask to bring your two new lovers because you’re “not into monogamy at the moment” your friend will definitely put you on the C-list. You need to make sure you’re still making it on the friends list generally by replying punctually, but this move will rock your friendship just enough to keep you off the A-list.
Make A Slight Spelling Error In The Wedding Hashtag
You made the effort of using their uncomfortable wedding hashtag that sounds like the bride is being robbed or killed, but made a tiny mistake that will make your friend silently scream. Using the wrong wedding hashtag will definitely get you banned from the bridal party, but no one can say you didn’t try. #Sarahhgetsjacked
Congratulations, your savings account is still intact and so is your friendship! You’re still invited on the college girls’ trip to Cabo, but you aren’t on the hook to pay for Samantha’s weird striptease. So go enjoy the best of both worlds, because girl you beat the system.