In a heart-warming story out of Cincinnati, OH, one high school friend group is back in town for the holidays and is reuniting to relive the same four memories that they have been rehashing since they were teenagers.
Sources say this has been the entire basis of their friendship since they graduated high school.
“Remember when Jason had diarrhea in the gym bathroom after finishing last in the mile?” one member of the friend group, Kayla, callously brought up right in front of reporters. “We were all laughing so hard at Jason’s expense, and that’s kind of when I realized that we were all going to be friends forever.”
The friend group explained that as they have grown and evolved, so have the memories they share.
“We still share the same four memories,” another group member, Danielle, said. “But we’ve embellished upon them to keep things interesting every time we get together.”
According to the group, Jason now had diarrhea right on the track instead of in the bathroom, and faced a two-day suspension for “being gross.”
Some members of the friend group have attempted to share details of their adult lives, but to no avail.
“I just gave up and resigned myself to the fact that the entire dynamic of my high school friend group will be built off of whatever the hell happened with my bowels when I was 17 for the rest of eternity,” Jason said. “I have a PhD now, but it’s not like any of them know that.”
Some members of the friend group were quietly on Jason’s side.
“I’m married and have a kid now,” one group member, Lina, told reporters. “But do you think my high school friends know that? Of course not! That would completely shatter the illusion of perpetual teenagehood we craft whenever we go home to visit our families for the holidays. Plus, teasing Jason has kind of been our ‘thing’ for years now. Who am I to disturb the dynamic of the group?”
Most of the other group members agreed with Lina when speaking privately to reporters, but witnesses reported that once they were back within the group, they fell right back into old habits.
As of press time, the group members had completely given up on trying to connect with each other beyond their shared high school experiences, and had gotten back to ruthlessly mocking Jason for the whole “shitting his pants in gym” thing.
“This is what long distance friendships are all about,” Jason said, obviously trying to put on a brave face for reporters.
