Guided Meditations to Make You Anxious About Breathing Right

When starting a meditation practice feels too overwhelming, guided meditations are an easy way to dip your toe in the water. Except that with your level of anxiety, you’ll find a way to make it feel hard as you continually lose count of your breath and wonder why your chest feels so tight. Here are some guided meditations that you’ll feel like you’re doing it completely wrong.


Headspace Guided Meditation

This straightforward beginner’s meditations on Headspace will help you learn to focus and breath as a newbie meditator. It won’t calm you down though, because you’ll be incredibly anxious about the pace of your breathing and whether you’re doing it right. At this stage, there’s really no wrong way, except for what you’re doing.


Deepak Chopra Guided Meditation

Led by the man himself, the guided meditations on the Chopra Center site will give you a little alternative medicine flavor. He’ll help you hold and let go of that breath along with all your thoughts and feelings. Well, not you. Other people who aren’t turning this exercise into a panic attack somehow.


Tara Brach Meditations

Tara blends her knowledge of psychology and Buddhism into these free meditations that help bring you into the present moment. Yet when she tells you to allow your breath to resume its natural rhythm, you’ll feel amazingly lost and somehow judged, in spite of her soothing voice. Why can’t you do this?


Pleiadian Essentials Meditation

Not for the metaphysical amateur, this meditation is a mistake. This meditation allows you to integrate light codes from interplanetary beings that will activate healing energy. Or they would if you could stop thinking about your fucked up breath and posture. Why can’t you just allow your breath to connect with the consciousness of these light codes?!


Whether you’re just calming your mind, or learning how to upgrade your DNA, meditation is really good for you. Or it will be if you can stop overthinking the whole breath thing.