In a heroic move, 26-year-old Gretchen Harris got her life this morning when she got out of bed and then got into the shower.
Get it, bitch! You got this!
Reports confirm it’s been five days since Gretchen last bathed, so getting into the shower was well-earned and frankly a long time coming.
“I set my alarm for ten minutes earlier than I usually do,” explains Gretchen, proudly. “To explain, I did that so I had time to get in the shower. I was finally like, you know what, it’s time to go after the things you want. In this case, that was to not smell like shit at work.”
Friends close to Gretchen aren’t convinced this act should be considered heroic.
“We all take showers,” says Lucy Sanders. “I don’t understand why she should be celebrated so much simply because she maintains a basic level of hygiene.”
“I guess anyone can be a hero if all it takes is showering before work,” says Pete Goss. “I’m just a little confused why you’re profiling Gretchen when all she did was stand under the water for five minutes?”
Don’t listen to them, Gretch! Turn up! The heat in the shower you’re taking, that is!
Gretchen wants everyone out there to know she won’t let this phase her.
“To all my haters, who are mainly people saying that I shouldn’t be applauded for doing regular things like bathing and eating breakfast, you can just shut up,” she says. “Sorry you’re lazy and not getting out of bed to get your life by going to the bathroom and getting in the shower!”
“We’ve already been doing that,” Sanders countered upon hearing this accusation.
“Too bad that me living my best life makes you feel threatened,” Harris continued. “I’m still gonna get it on the daily by showering every few days or whatever.”
Damn, this bitch absolutely went off! As did her shower water when she was done taking a shower!
