With fall right around the corner, Family Farm Co. is rolling out their foolproof business plan of making people pay to pick their own fruit to take home at their autumn apple picking farm.
“Before, we had to pay employees to harvest our fruit and ship them out to grocery stores, but ever since the rise in fall trends like ‘Christian Girl Autumn’ and seasonal Rae Dunn merch, we found out by making it ‘a thing’ to go apple picking we can cut overhead costs by almost 90%,” said FFC’s CEO and former farmer Bernice Silva. “People go out of their way to come to us and pay to do the exact same labor! It’s like a capitalism loophole!”
Bernice reports that apple picking has become such a popular autumn activity that the entire farm is sustainable on apple picking alone.
“Farming used to be a year-round operation, with so many harvests to keep track of every season. Now we’re just open during the very small window that is the three weeks of fall before it gets too cold and we make enough for the whole year. Really, the rest of the farm is just here for aesthetics.”
Bernice confided to reporters that she is equally confused why people would drive hours to pay to do manual labor, but when reporters caught up with Family Farm visitors, they seemed to welcome the work.
“It’s just so cozy to dress up in flannel and spend a few hours repeatedly climbing ladders to grab apples,” said hedge fund manager Jenna Stones. “In the city, I’m always sitting at my desk and looking longingly out my floor-to-ceiling windows. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I just quit everything and lived on a farm you know? It feels nice to do an honest day’s work like that.”
“I’ve lost feeling in four of my fingers from decades of calluses as a farmer and that woman wore heels to pick apples, but sure,” said Bernice. “If she wants to pay to cosplay being a farmer, I’m not complaining.”
As of press time, Bernice was getting ready to host multiple elementary school field trips for a “Family Day” event at the farm.
“We’re about to have hundreds of kids picking apples, which feels kind of like child labor but hey, as long as they’re paying us for it, right?”
