Everybody knows that Gen Z is setting trends left and right, and it’s up to the rest of us to keep up! Unfortunately, they all broke into my house late last night and refused to leave until I listened to the top five Millennial trends they absolutely abhor. I’m sorry. They locked me in the bathroom and called me a “cheugy loser old” until I promised I would share these Millennial trends with you. Please. They’re coming for you next.
This is the first thing they screamed and taunted me about until I cried. Reaction GIFs are no longer an acceptable way to comment on something, even if it’s a really perfect response. Not even group texts among people you think are your like-minded peers. Trust me; they’re watching. They can see everything.
The Cry-Laughing Emoji
This one I could kind of understand, although they threatened to set up an encampment in my home if I didn’t announce this verbatim: “The cry-laughing emoji is cringe, and we hate you.” If you want to share that something is funny, just type a bunch of random letters. Trust me. The stakes are too high.
One of the teenagers pointed at my hair and screamed, then they all started chanting, “side part, side part,” in a monotone voice that shook me to my core. Why did they care so much about this? It’s my natural part. Anyway, please don’t part your hair to the side. Every time I close my eyes I hear them chanting.
The Idea of Wine
Wine as a meme is no longer allowed. You can drink wine quietly in your home, but you must not speak of it online. Being a “wine mom” is explicitly forbidden – I kept telling them I wasn’t one, but they kept insisting that I “tell the others”. One of them is still lurking in my kitchen until this message reaches the public.
High-Rise Skinny Jeans
I have to admit, I fought them on this – how could you be so cruel to expose so many people who are directly harmed by low-rise and wide-leg jeans? That’s when I realized that they were willing to resort to violence. You have no idea what these teens are capable of. Seriously. Just listen to me and follow the rules quietly. Don’t be a hero. It’s not worth it. Please.
So, there you have it! Five Millennial trends Gen Z absolutely hates! Please heed this advice, and if you can, please don’t identify yourself by anything related to Harry Potter – that was one that we all agreed on before they threatened to hurt my dog. Good luck, fashionistas! And please lock your doors.