It’s nighttime, and you’re ready to party. And what better drinking game to play than “Never Have I Ever”, the game where you get to show off how wild and crazy you are while simultaneously exposing your friends’ the shitty behavior! What do you do when you claim you have “never” done something that you KNOW Jen has done, but she does not drink? How dare she?! You targeted that question just to humiliate her and she’s not gonna fess up? Okay Jen, game on.
Call her out.
This one is for every time you’ve thought, “Oh yeah, Jen? Screwing my brother in the back of the American Museum of Natural History doesn’t count as having sex with someone younger than you?” If she doesn’t drink her required sip here, take a subtle group accountability survey. Ask, “Did everyone drink? Oh Katie, I know you did! Hahahahaha. Jen? Jen? Did you drink? Jen?” When she inevitably gives you an empty I-don’t-know-what-you’re-referring-to stare, move on with a knowing, yet questioning glance in her direction. She will know you’re onto her and the whole group will totally notice and care about what is going on. You’re so good at this game!!
Change the rules.
Wow Jen, wow. Okay. Sure, she hasn’t ever done stuff with a girl. Definitely not that time she came on vacation with your parents and disappeared with that lifeguard (also named Jen) for an hour. Those hickeys covered in lipstick must have been part of your imagination. It’s time to merge “Never Have I Ever” with the game “Bullshit”, cause this is total bullshit. Write the word on your cup and every time Jen starts to speak, just expose the BS side to the group. They’ll get it because they are both paying attention and are invested in your silent dispute. Come on, Jen; enough with the bullshit!
Laugh out loud.
Jen just had the nerve to say, “Never have I ever tried butt stuff with anyone that wasn’t my boyfriend.” Now she’s not only denying your truths, but she’s blatantly announcing her own original lies! From now on, your slyest move is to just laugh. Laugh audibly and with fervor every time you find her guilty in the court of her peer. For example:
“Never have I ever masturbated during a sleepover.”
“HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. Oh, that’s funny. That’s fuckin’ hilarious, Jen.”
Everyone will marvel at how knowledgeable you are about Jen’s bullshit!
Let these small bouts of laughter morph into hysterical fits until every word that comes out of Jen’s mouth sends you into convulsions. Eventually everyone will give up on the game, confused, and leave you in peace, ending your reign of torture over Jen. Anyway, Jen needs to remember that friendship and drinking games are about honesty. So next time, when you say, “Never have I ever lied during Never Have I Ever,” she’ll ashamedly take her drink just like everybody else!
