Everyone knows sex is the way to keep your man around, so when you’re having sex, make sure you do it really hot each and every time. If you’re not having really sexy sex now, you’re risking never having anyone love you ever again. So keep these tips in mind next time you’re trying to seduce him into a state of permanent love that never, ever dies!
Kegels…for Keeps
This classic move intensifies his love blast and his forever kind of love for you. Apply all the feminine strength you have to his penis until he goes cross-eyed, thinking about how much he adores the little things you do to keep him happy, every day, for the rest of his life. Practice contracting those pelvic floor muscles now so you’ll be ready when it’s time to keep your grip on him for all of eternity!
Missionary on an Eternal Mission
Wrap your legs around his waist and interlock your ankles as restrictively as possible. If you’re feeling brave, try this one standing up. If he has to support your entire body weight, it makes it much harder for him to run away. Either of these positions will send the message, “Please don’t leave,” and help him more deeply penetrate you as you more deeply penetrate his heart.
Ride ‘Em Cowgirl, Off Into The Sunset, Over and Over Until Death Do You Part
Boobies flopping around can really hypnotize a guy and hair flips will keep him dizzy for days. He won’t know which way is up, so he’ll have to depend on you always for anything he’ll ever need or want! Remember, this is regular cowgirl ONLY. Reverse cowgirl is too risky because you can’t see him and he could just sneak away while you’re not looking.
Fellatio Forever
Everyone knows men have to have their penises sucked constantly or they’ll die. This is a great opportunity for you to use your lady suction to keep him endlessly engulfed within your body and relationship. Simply blow him so good he forgets other women have mouths. This trick is very simple and works like a charm because women need men and men need consistent BJs even when you’re tired!
Handcuff Him…To Your Heart!
Throw the cuffs around a sturdy pipe and tie his blindfold on tight to guarantee that you’re the only woman he’ll ever have eyes for, and only when you feel like it. If you don’t have handcuffs, lock him in the basement, but like, sexily. He’ll love it, which means he’ll love you. For infinity. Plus a day. That’s your little love joke. Hahahahahahaha. Seriously though. I’m serious.
So if you’re terrified of losing him because it means also losing yourself, be sure to keep him around with the hot sex. Love is hard to find and even harder to keep, but these sexy moves guarantee that your man will love only you for all of eternity no matter what happens. Always. And forever. Literally every moment of time at least until the sun explodes. But even then…
