So you broke the time/space continuum and fell through a wormhole that brought you back a couple of generations. Whoops! So naturally you run into your grandpa as a young, handsome man, and he’s looking to date you! Uh-oh! Here are some super platonic places and activities that will allow you to cut loose with Grampy while frustrating him sexually so you can prevent the universe from tearing!
Shopping
The only thing old-timey men hate more than listening to women is shopping! So when he invariably ignores you telling him over and over that, “I’m your time-traveling grandchild and some terrible, terrible things are going to happen,” he’ll get so bored and desperate that he’ll remember to call your cute little grandma for some easy action. And then you’ll get to have been born!
Fishing
You’ve gone fishing with your pops a bunch, so you know what to do. Nothing will Marty McFly the literal fuck out of your grandpa like a girl who’s bad at things yet insists on doing them for hours at a time. He and his half-chub will surely get the message that what he wants is actually an unnatural and potentially apocalyptic act of incest!
Bowling
Take care of that pesky grandparent paradox by airing out your smelly pair of socks! He’ll be so disgusted with you, Gramps will have to realize that you’re the product of his sperm’s sperm. Plus, all those balls will surely remind him of his blue ones, and he’ll come running to your slutty little Nana to drain them!
NOT The Movies! Go to the Soda Fountain!!
Oh no. Do NOT do this. Get out of there now. This is your one chance to avoid the inevitable causal loop that you’ve been trapped in FOREVER- go to the soda fountain NOW and talk about yourself for as long as possible until Grampy cools off.
What’s that? You finally did the math and realized that your precious whore of a grandmother is already three months pregnant?! Your great-grandfather should be bringing out the shotgun in no time. It looks like your existence is secured and the world as we know it won’t be shredded into oblivion! Phew––happy time traveling!
