In a time-honored tradition among your close friends and women across the globe, your best friends performed the sacred ritual of commenting “OMG SO BEAUTIFUL!!!” and “GORGEOUS!” on a photo where you just sort of look okay in it.
“STUNNING!!” commented your best friend Cassandra, on the photo of you having just woken up wearing pajamas and a ponytail in poor lighting. “YOU’RE AN ABSOLUTE GODDESS!”
Other friends honored the ritual by leaving excessive heart and swoon emojis in the comments, even though you were just kind of posting ironically and really weren’t looking for validation.
“When my best friends post stuff like that on photos where I’m like, not even the focal point of the scene,” you said. “I wonder, is any compliment ever really genuine? Is anything real at all?”
Sources report that you should never, ever ask questions like that.
While this ancient ritual has roots as far back as early civilization, its modern form comes almost exclusively in excessive online flattery, even if that’s totally not what you were going for.
“WHY AREN’T YOU A MODEL?” said another friend on the photo that your mother took when you weren’t paying attention. “SERIOUSLY, QUIT YOUR JOB, LEAVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE BEHIND, AND BECOME A FUCKING MODEL, BABE!!!”
As you prepare to post a blurry photo of a cyst you’re about to get removed, your nearest and dearest are clutching their phones, ready to call you the most beautiful human being who has ever lived.
