In a win for those of us who love to gab, best friends Uma Singh and Marcia Jackson are meeting up to rehash the same conversation they’ve had hundreds of times before in exactly the same way and with no new information.
“It’s just really important to me to process things verbally with my friends,” Uma told reporters while walking into the coffee shop she and Marcia selected. “And process them, and process them, and process them another time, and really get in there in terms of processing them.”
According to sources close to the friends, there is a 98% chance the topic of today’s conversation is going to be their respective month-long situationships from last year, and a 2% chance they’ll start with something else but get to the situationships eventually.
The verdict is out on whether anything has changed, but experts strongly suspect, “No.”
After a brief stint of generalized catching up, the girls got down to business.
“Yeah, I’m dating, but I honestly don’t know if I can trust again after the whole Ryan situation last year,” Marcia said for the hundredth time. “Maybe I’m being crazy, but…he just seemed so avoidant.”
This was the perfect entrance point for Uma to commence the response she’d given hundreds, if not thousands, of times.
“I don’t think you’re being crazy at all,” she replied, eyes raised just as they were last week, the week before that, and the week before that. “If he had listed any good reasons for the breakup, that would be so reasonable, but like, he had none! You take breakups really well, but it just wasn’t adding up. That’s not on you at all.”
Sources confirm this is the exact same reassurance Uma has given since the breakup occurred nearly 70 weeks ago.
“Right?” Marcia replied, as she is wont to do. “And it’s not my fault for being cautious now.”
“Not at all!” Uma continued, right on cue. This was the perfect segue to her next topic: her own breakup. “Like, when I told Georgia I couldn’t see her anymore, I made sure to emphasize that I liked her as a friend, but we just weren’t compatible romantically.”
“And that was so nice of you!” Marcia replied, basically reciting this shit from memory. “You did everything right, and Ryan did everything wrong.”
Sources confirm the conversation continued like this for another three hours, but if you want to hear the transcript in full, you could probably catch them the next time they hang out. It’ll be exactly the same!
