In an unsurprising story out of Denver, CO, 29-year-old Ethan Gaines says he’s “firmly against” the regulation of deepfakes, while simultaneously being the main reason why they should be regulated.
“Deepfakes being regulated is an infringement upon my rights!” Ethan told reporters. “I should be able to see anyone nude, at anytime, anywhere.”
Reporters felt that this statement was deeply suspect and didn’t really have anything to do with deepfakes at all.
“It’s okay to make people feel violated on the Internet,” Ethan continued, unprompted. “Just like it’s okay to harass, threaten, and intimate people on the Internet. You can do anything on the Internet!”
This statement, which reporters described as “alarming” and “objectively not true,” prompted investigators to actually look into Ethan’s online activity. Their findings have not yet been made public.
Legislators admitted they only started considering regulating deepfakes after hearing what Ethan had to say about them.
“At that point, it was simply a matter of national security,” said one legislator who wished to remain anonymous lest Ethan steal their likeness and render it in nude and compromising positions. “We need regulations and consequences when we have people like Ethan walking around.”
“Honestly, Ethan did more for deepfake regulation than we ever could,” one advocate for deepfake regulation told reporters. “Who knew the only thing you needed to do to get momentum on important legislation was be a creepy little weirdo freak.”
When he learned about these comments, Ethan went on a long tangent about his “rights” and “freedoms” but nobody was really listening.
At press time, Ethan was still against regulating deepfakes, but did make one concession, saying, “Well, if someone made a deepfake of me, that would be super violating, so I think there should be certain regulations in place to protect me. And my buddies, too. But everyone else should be fair game.”
