‘I Just Want the Best for You,’ Says Man Who’s Sure the Best Is Him

In a recent turn of events, New Jersey resident Paul Vincent was broken up with, but was able to pull himself together enough to say, “I just want the best for you”. However, it has recently become clear that Paul said this believing the best for his ex Eliana would be him remaining her boyfriend.


“All I want for Eliana is a long, fulfilling life. She deserves happiness,” says Paul. “I mean, of course, I believe a long, fulfilling life is only possible if I’m by her side. To be clear, if she wants to be happy, she should stay with me.”


Despite Paul believing he was incredibly clear when they ended things, Eliana sees things differently.


“This was the first time Paul has acted selflessly since we started dating,” says Eliana. “I was so surprised when he put my wellbeing at the center of it like that. It made me even reconsider the breakup.”


After hearing Paul’s side of it, Eliana added a statement.


“Oh, yeah, that sounds more like him. Probably for the best that our relationship is over,” she adds.


Friends of Paul have done their best to explain the situation to Paul, to no avail.


“I don’t think Paul quite understands that Eliana broke up with him,” says childhood friend Dan Trunder. “She said, ‘I want a break’ and he said ‘me too, let’s plan a vacation.’ It’s pretty awkward to be frank.”




“This is classic Paul,” says coworker Selina Carter. “Our boss passed him up for a promotion saying they chose someone who can bring a ‘unique style and unparalleled work ethic’ to the job. He thought he was hired for like two weeks even though we all met the new hire.”


Those close to Paul confirm he has yet to understand that he isn’t a radiant beam of light that elevates everyone around him.


“I just want everyone in my life to have fun and be happy,” says Paul. “Thank god they have me, since I am clearly both those things.”


Sources confirm Eliana continues to have no regrets.