In an unfortunate turn of events, your dear friend Vanessa Lichbach has thwarted your attempt to cancel your longstanding brunch plans by being accommodating, making it extremely clear that Vanessa just can’t take a hint.
Earlier today, you texted Vanessa, “Hey, I’m so sorry girly! I’m so behind on my day, I don’t know if I can make it :(.” You thought your simple text would free you from those 9:30 a.m. brunch plans, however Vanessa couldn’t let you miss out on brunch with your favorite girly that easily.
With lightning speed, she wrote back, “Hey! That’s okay, wanna just meet a little later?”
“Vanessa’s kindness and friendship is actually really fucked up and rude,” you told reporters. “We all have those days where we would rather stay home on the couch than honor the commitments we’ve made to the people we care about most, but I guess Vanessa doesn’t seem to understand that. Everyone knows the worst kind of friend is a friend who actually wants to see you.”
When you usually try to cancel plans, witnesses reports that you’ll whip out classic excuses like, “I have a headache” or “My dog ate my homework.” None of these excuses protect you from your friend Vanessa however, who is so intent on honoring your brunch she will do whatever it takes gets your ass in front of a stack of pancakes and bottomless mimosas.
“Even if I did move our plans to later in the day, I know there is no way you could muster the energy to leave your house and see her,” you said. “What else could I say to this woman? So, in a last-ditch effort to cancel, I decide to opt for the period excuse.”
However, when you told your kind and caring friend that it’s “that time of the month” and you can’t leave your house, she just responded, “Aw, dang! I’m sorry. I’ll come over with snacks and roll you a joint. I can even bring my hot water bottle!”
According to reports, this is when you pivoted, telling Vanessa you actually couldn’t have anyone over because your roommate set the house on fire. Although this sounded like a foolproof excuse to get out of plans blame-free to you, Vanessa is no fool.
“I kinda feel like you don’t wanna hang with me because you are pulling out all the stops to cancel our plans,” she wrote in a super thoughtful text. “I really value our friendship and I would love to see you. No pressure of course, I just could really use a friend right now.”
At press time, you were seen finally hanging out with Vanessa because the guilt was too strong and you literally had to.
