Friend Abridging Story to Make it Covid-Friendly

As the pandemic continues to wreak havoc and impact social gatherings, it’s vital that we all follow standard precautions for both our personal safety and the safety of our loved ones. That’s why Atlanta, GA resident liar Maddy Kirchner’s account of her last few weeks contained vague descriptions that its listeners deemed far too sketchy to be considered truly covid-safe.


Kirchner reportedly took some time off from work to visit friends in an undisclosed city before returning to her hometown where her extended family got together for a “small” dinner.

“She never mentioned a word about masks, getting tested, checking state covid rates and quarantine rules, or even how she traveled around so much, which I assume was via a crowded plane,” shared listener Kristen Charles. “The whole thing just seems mad suspicious. Like, we know what you’re hiding, Maddy.”


Indeed, ethos is an element of successful rhetoric, but Kirchner seemed to have lost all credibility as her storytelling continued.


“But it was totally fine – we wore masks when we were served, and even while we were eating,” Kirchner abruptly added.



“Not only do I find it hard to believe that all 12 people at that dinner never came in recent contact with the virus, but it’s impossible to eat through your fucking mask,” added fellow audience member Taylor Davis, whose backyard was host to all the disrespectful fabrication. “Also, they were served? Tell me this bitch wasn’t dining indoors.”


“Come to think of it, this truth-withholding bitch didn’t even wash her hands when she showed up at my apartment just to spray some lies in my face.”


Kirchner’s story’s most alarming moment came when she mentioned that she was glad she got the chance to hug her grandparents again, just in case it was the last time, despite all the public warnings about mass travel and being around susceptible people during this time.


At press time, coincidentally five days upon returning from her travels, Kirchner was found feeling fatigued and huddled over her podium struggling to catch her breath.