Some people never get sick, and some people get a cold every time they forget to wash their hands. But this freaky woman takes the illness cake: Boston resident Fern Costello gets sick specifically whenever her friends choose to meet at a bar that’s too far from her apartment!
“It’s honestly so strange,” said Fern. “Like it’s obviously a total coincidence, but I always come down with something when my friends pick a bar that’s more than, say, a mile from my place.”
Fern described the many ailments that she has been suddenly and violently afflicted with after finding out meeting with friends would require slightly more than the bare minimum of effort.
“I’ve gotten food poisoning right before a birthday party in Somerville, pink eye the day of girl’s night out in Jamaica Plain, you name it,” Fern said. “Once, I even got what I thought was measles but turned out to be just an allergic reaction to peanuts an hour before my friend Larissa’s engagement party in Allston.”
“I don’t know what it is!” she added.
Eerie! We’re amazed at Fern’s ability to develop illnesses exactly at the time she feels like flaking on friends!
Fern’s friends aren’t buying it.
“She literally just doesn’t wanna leave her neighborhood,” said longtime friend Casey Lewis. “I’d honestly respect her more if she was just straightforward about it, but she makes up a disease every single time. Does she think we’re stupid?”
“Nobody gets sick that much. We’re not dumb,” added Monica Du, another friend. “It’s not lost on us that we only see her when we come to her hood. She’s being a pretty shitty friend.”
But Fern is in deep denial.
“Ugh, last night, we were supposed to all meet up for drinks to celebrate Jen’s promotion,” she said. “But I suddenly realized I might have gout? I could barely move, so I had to cancel. I feel just awful!”
“It’s like I’m cursed or something,” she added.
