Four Polite Ways to Inform Your Date That You Are Bleeding Internally


It’s your second date with a great guy, and he’s midway through a story about hiking across Colorado. You want to let him finish, but you’re reminded that you’re still leaking blood into your small intestine. We’ve all been there. Don’t worry – you can be a supportive listener and let him know you need immediate medical treatment. Here are a couple of polite hints you can drop to let him know without making things awkward:


Conspicuously Ask For Water

Flag down the waiter every time he walks by. After four or five glasses, even the least inquisitive guy is going to be curious why you’re gulping down so much water. That’s your opening to explain, “Oh, I’ve got this little intestinal bleeding thing going on.” This one has the added bonus of replenishing some of your rapidly dwindling fluids.


Wait For Him To Mention Someone Being Injured In His Story, Then Inquire How They Are

Can’t go wrong with the classics. You’ll show how attentive a listener you are, and your repeated concern for others may cause him to ask about your own. Then it’s the perfect time to mention how fast you were going on your bike when you smashed abdomen first into that parking meter. Let him suggest the next step. “Oh, yes, maybe I should see a doctor at a hospital right now.”



Order Raw Meat

Starting to get really lightheaded? You may find it difficult to subtly steer the conversation towards your predicament. Nothing says, “Let’s talk about blood” more than a plate of raw meat. He’s bound to ask a question that will allow you to demurely talk about your hemorrhaging pelvis. Just try to avoid starting off sentences with phrases like, “Speaking of…” or “That reminds me of…” because it’ll seem you’re trying to hijack the flow of the conversation.


If A Waiter Asks If Everything Is Ok, Don’t Say Yes

Ok, so maybe your date is a little slow and he’s not getting it. Sometimes it’s just best to tell people what you need. In this case, it’s best to just quietly hope that your companion makes the correct inference from your silence. Anyway, you’ll need to conserve your energy at this juncture.


If you’re having trouble implementing these methods and somehow find yourself waking up in the hospital, remember you can still wake up as an attentive listener and a wonderful dinner companion. We really do hope you wake up!!