Let’s face it—your hair will never look as good as when you first step out of the salon after that three-hour, $400 chemical-straightening process. Now’s your chance to enact vengeance upon anyone who ever made you feel less-than! Here’s a list of people you should plan to “bump into” during your short window of follicle perfection and remind them you’re not the frizzy-haired mess you used to be:
1. The groomsman you made out with at Chloe’s wedding.
Not only did he get his cufflink stuck in your hair, but he also laughingly referred to you as Weird Al and then never called. When he sees you now, he’ll wish he’d learned your real name!
2. The hair braider at the Renaissance Faire you went to when you were eleven.
She said she couldn’t work with hair as frizzy as yours and refused to give you your requested Little House on the Prairie-inspired do. Track her down with a nonchalant, “Is that you Arethusa? I almost didn’t recognize you without your pathetic animatronic dragon puppet.”
3. The magazine editor who wouldn’t hire you because she said you didn’t have enough social media experience.
What she meant was, every girl on this staff has straight hair and no visible pores. Look who’s social media material now!
4. Your dead grandmother, who said that no man would ever love you “with those curls.”
Now she has dead person hair while yours is smooth, sleek, and eye-catching! Nice grave, grandma!
5. All of the girls from your 7th grade gym class, who sang the Chia Pet jingle whenever you walked into the room.
You’ll blow them and their mom haircuts away with your luscious locks. Cha-cha-cha-winning!
You’ve been the ugly, frizzy stepsister for too long! Now that your hair is prettier than everyone else’s, don’t miss your chance to rub it in. That’s mostly what you’re paying for, anyway!
