Ladies – we get it! You’re kind of a prude. You were a “late bloomer.” You were never accidentally placed in a cabin with older girls at summer camp. That’s why we’re taking the time to answer all those questions about “the deed” that we really can’t believe you don’t already know. You must be so relieved!
What if my boobs are on the small side?
Oh, that sucks. But, c’mon, just buy a padded bra! Victoria’s Secret is a bra store you may have heard of? Go for something neon or animal print and he’ll be so distracted he probably won’t even CARE what’s underneath. Guys love sex. Period.
What if my guy is into taking my bra off?
Call your own shots! What’s he gonna do, not have sex with you?! Say you like to keep your bra on because it makes you feel naughty or something. Guys believe stuff when they’re turned on because sex activates their lizard brains, and lizards believe more things than humans. Just whatever you do, don’t be insecure about it because the only thing less attractive than a flat chest is vulnerability. Don’t be vulnerable during sex – just be confident!
I need a lot of foreplay to get in the mood. Is that normal?
Um, not REALLY…
What exactly is “pre-cum”?
What exactly does it sound like?
Ok, so, I don’t have that many to compare or anything, but what if his penis is too big?
Stop being so gullible! The “too-big dick” is an urban legend. It’s like “Moby Dick,” but an actual dick instead of a whale. Moby Dick was a whale. Anyway, every girl wants to be penetrated by the biggest dick possible because that’s what makes sex feel good. You probably need to stretch more or be more confident.
If he doesn’t…you know…like… I mean, if he’s like into it…and like…he seems to be having fun but…umm…if he doesn’t totally… like, “get there”…am I doing something wrong?
Yes.
How can I appear more confident about sex?
Stop being such a pussy about the word ‘come.’
Seriously, sex is about confidence and confidence is about making it seem like you know stuff. It’s really not that complicated,; it’s just boners and vaginas. Hopefully you know what those are.
