Sometimes even just the word “sex” can make people uncomfortable, so it’s important to have frank and open discussions about all the sexual questions you should rightfully feel embarrassed for asking. If you’re too scared to search for the answers (as you should be), here are the top six questions you were too afraid to ask about sex – and rightfully so cause they are very dumb questions!
What is sex?
Ok! So, this seems like something your parents should have addressed with you a long time ago. But that’s okay! Sex is a physical expression of love between two people, performed for both pleasure and sometimes with the intent of procreation. Happy? Good. Maybe think a little harder before asking your next question though, because this one was honestly pretty dumb.
Is sex legal in the United States?
We’re trying to be non-judgmental here, but this question seems easily googleable. Yes, sex is legal in the United States. We see now why you were hesitant to ask your friends this question: They would have thought you were a stupid fool, much like we do now.
I don’t own a colorful hat. Can I still have sex?
We don’t know what in your life has led you to believe that a colorful hat is a requirement for sex. It is not. Now please, you’re embarrassing yourself and all of us for having to tell you so.
Can sex cause permanent blindness?
Wow. We’re not sure what is going on here. When we issued this prompt to our readers, we were expecting questions like, “Is bleeding normal after my first time?” and “Can I have sex while pregnant?” Not awkward questions you should have kept to yourself, like, “Can sex make me blind?” Only in the most insanely specific situations could sex cause permanent blindness, so there. You should have followed your impulse and just never have asked anyone this weird question.
If I have sex will the monster from It Follows start following me?
Is it normal to fantasize about Jim Broadbent during sex?
Are we the weird ones here, or are these really the questions everyone has been afraid to ask up until now? Do we really live in such a prudish culture that somehow we missed the fact that everyone is imagining the guy from Cloud Atlas as they fuck their partner? That’s it; we’re done here. Please never ask dumb questions like this one again.
That’s all. We truly regret opening the floor for these questions you were absolutely right to never have asked anyone. Try keeping them to yourselves next time.