Summer is fading fast so it’s time to load up on the best jeans for fall. The slim jean trend continues, so be sure to get jeans so tight that no fart will be able to escape their denim grasp! Here are some of the best jeans that will fit your style and keep that flatulence in its colonic prison.
Cali Demi-Boot Jeans in Mitchell Wash: Drop-Hem Edition ($128)
Madewell makes great quality jeans, and while they cost a few pennies more than most, the level of tightness is a cut above the rest! These jeans cut off before the ankle for extra style points and they also fit so snug around the butt so that no matter how hard you push, no fart will escape through those cheeks!
BDG Twig High-Rise Skinny Jean Fuji 29 ($64)
Every girl needs a good pair of skinny jeans that won’t let you fart! These skinny jeans come with a little rip in them to show off some edge and, despite your best attempts, won’t let a single wisp of air out of your ass. Nothing is coming outta there!
LEVI’s 312 Shaping Slim Jeans: ($55)
Fall is a time when the air gets crisper, so make sure to slide into these slim jeans on all your hayrides! Wear them when you’re eating all those fun fall farty treats and then breathe a sigh of relief, because these jeans will make it impossible to fart out anything at all. Save it for when you get home!
GAP Authentic 1969 True Skinny High Rise Jeans ($69.95)
These jeans are timeless and you’ll be able to hold onto them for many fartless autumns to come! They’re cute dressed up or down and perfect for date night—and they won’t let any little toots out, because they’re slowly and systematically crushing your midsection. Talk about the perfect pair!
These jeans are cute enough for fall and tight enough to keep your farts swirling inside your body all day long! Wear them with the confidence that you’re gas-free and the knowledge that as soon as they come off, you’re letting out one long, uncontrollable fart that could last for hours. Happy Fall!