Despite not having you in his life anymore, your ex-boyfriend has somehow discovered other sources of joy outside of your presence. This claim is backed by reports that he was recently seen smiling with a group of people.
That’s right, smiling. His new source of joy does not appear to be a new lover, but rather he appears to be just enjoying his life, which one source (you) finds incredibly disturbing.
When questioned about the incident, a witness said, “Yes, he was smiling for multiple minutes at a time. Almost as if he seemed… happy?”
Sources confirm that, no, we are not just fucking with you.
It is unclear exactly how much happiness your ex was able to feel without you there to inspire it, but it is clear that he has found some.
Snapchat footage has also recently surfaced of the ex at a movie, enjoying it as if you were there or something. But you’re not there and his teeth are exposed, his face almost expressing a positive emotion.
Historians are baffled.
“It’s strange,” explains Eli Klein, Head of History at Harvard University. “Even though the ex-boyfriend has expressed happiness many times before, it was always with you around. And now it’s almost as if he has another life without you. Where he can still feel something besides his love for you and the pain of losing you.”
This unprecedented event has led to the discovery that other exes have also been able to find happiness without you in their lives. Mark, your short-lived love from college, smiled more than once in the last 24-hour period. Sources tell us he is proud of some dumb accomplishment, even though he was not able to be a good boyfriend to you.
We asked your mutual friends what they think of your ex’s apparent joy.
“I’m happy for him.” says Jamie who used to be your friend but apparently is not anymore.
Early evidence in the case seems to show that this will likely be a recurring event, with predictions showing us that he may be happy many times throughout the rest of his life, despite you not even really coming up in his thoughts. It’s almost as if you didn’t rip your love away from him hard enough.
We will continue to follow this story until it reaches a conclusion that actually makes plausible sense.
