After realizing her recently acquired $130 Vince Camuto red pointy-toe stiletto heels were impractical for both work and casual activities, 28-year-old Amanda Milna quickly organized an evening designed exclusively for wearing her new shoes.
Shortly after leaving the downtown Nordstrom location, Amanda sent a group text message reading: “[siren emoji] new shoe alert,” followed by a picture of the “sophisticated thot shoes” in question.
“Organizing a girls’ night around a pair of shoes isn’t as easy as it looks,” said Amanda’s friend Claire. “You have to choose a bar has that’s classy, but not expensive, because you just spent all your money on shoes.”
“It has to match the vibe of the shoes, but not so dark no one can see the shoe,” added Amanda’s friend Natalie. “Because if no one can see the shoes, what’s even the point?”
The friends eventually decided on The Dot, a well-lit cocktail bar with an extensive wine list—but had to regroup when they arrived to find there were no available tables.
“There were a couple tall tables to stand around, but we can’t stand, because of Amanda’s new shoes,” commented Natalie. “We asked the bartender if they could bring us some chairs and he totally blew us off.”
Limited to the bars within a 500-foot radius due to Amanda’s limited mobility, the trio ended up at nearby Duncan’s, an Irish sports bar. While it lacked the taste and refinement of The Dot, the place made up for it by being “overflowing with dick,” according to Claire.
The group quickly ordered a round of Duncan’s signature Drunk Leprechaun shots to lessen the rapidly spreading sharp pain in Amanda’s feet.
According to sources, the shoes will now sit unworn in Amanda’s closet for the next three years.